Pure Gratitude

God I don't even know where to start. I woke up this morning and my lungs just filled with air like it was nothing, like it was automatic and I almost missed it. I almost just rolled over and started my day without stopping to realize that you gave me another one. Another day. Another breath. Another chance to be here, to be alive, to feel the sun coming through the window. And I don't deserve any of it. I know that. You know that.

I look back at everything every single moment that led me here and I can't explain it. I can't explain why you kept choosing me when I kept walking the other direction. I can't explain why you stayed close when I made it so easy for you to leave. But you didn't leave. You never left. And now I'm standing here with this life that I didn't earn, this love that I didn't build on my own, this peace that I definitely didn't manufacture and all I can say is thank you. But even that feels small.

The weight of it hits me sometimes, God. Like right now. The sheer heaviness of being alive and being loved by you. Not because I performed well. Not because I checked all the boxes. Just because you decided I was worth it. You decided I was worth waking up again. Worth breathing again. Worth another shot at getting it right. And I'm sitting here trying to find words big enough to hold what I'm feeling and they don't exist. So I'll just say it plain. Thank you. For everything. For all of it. For the stuff I can see and the stuff I'll never know about. Thank you.

And because of all of that, God I'm making you a promise right now. I'm not going to waste this. I'm not going to sleepwalk through the life you fought to give me. Every morning I open my eyes, I'm going to remember that it cost you something. That this air in my lungs isn't free. That this heartbeat is a gift you keep renewing, over and over, without me even asking.

I want to live like someone who almost lost everything because I did. I want to laugh louder. I want to hold people closer. I want to stop rushing past the small things like they don't matter, because they do. The coffee in the morning. The way the sky looks right before it gets dark. A phone call from someone who was just thinking about me. Those aren't accidents. Those are you. That's all you.

I think about how you forgive how you heal how you pull me out of pits I dug with my own hands and you don't even bring it up again. You just move forward. You just keep loving. Like it's the easiest thing in the world for you. And maybe it is. Maybe loving me is easy for you in a way I'll never understand. But I feel it, God. I feel it right now, deep in my chest, this ache that isn't pain it's gratitude so thick I can barely breathe through it.

So here I am. Fully yours. Fully thankful. Fully amazed that you would look at someone like me and call me yours. I'll spend the rest of my days trying to be worthy of that. Not to earn it. Just to honor it. Thank you, God. Thank you.